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paperxdoll_x
26 July 2010 @ 02:42 am

Hey Girls!

Sorry for not posting on here in awhile. I created a xanga account and have been posting on there. There is more "ana activity" on xanga so I am switching to there. If any of you have/get a xanga
ADD ME!!!!

My username is xDisorderedDollx
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paperxdoll_x
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Today is going well so far! Just got home from the gym, feeling good! I LOVE it there!! I'd stay all day if I could. I havent eaten anything since lastnight, well like 2:00 am and it was a lite string cheese. I am really feeling confident about loosing this weight. I know have such a longgg way to go but I think know I can do it! I want to do a fast but I would like to do a group fast. So if anyone is interested PLEASE let me know! =)



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INTAKE
3 beef bouillion cubes - 15 cals

OUTAKE

Treadmill

   calories - 177    
   distance - 1.65 
   time -  33 minutes

Cross Trainer
  calories - 208
  distance - 1.53
  time - 20 minutes

Hip Abductor
  inner thigh - 150 reps @ 70 lbs
  outer thigh -  100 reps @ 70 lbs

Chest Press
  12 reps @ 5 lbs

Back Extension
  75 reps@ 70 lbs
 

Abdominal Crunch
  15 reps @ 10 lbs

TOTAL
   calories - 385
   distance -  3.18 miles
   time - 53 minutes cardio, was there for about 1 1/2 hours



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Current Mood: determined
Current Music: shiny toy guns - le disko
 
 
paperxdoll_x
07 July 2010 @ 07:16 pm

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Feeling better today. Yesterday was rough!! I never had a stomache ache like that in my LIFE!! Ugh, it was horrible! Still have some rumbeling going on lol but i dont have any cramps, thank god! I dont have much of an appetite which is a plus. All I ate today was light string cheese - 60 cals and like 7 goldfish crackers...10 cals maybe? Probably not even that much. So far since Monday, I've lost 6 lbs..in 2 days! Which is a good start but I have sooo much more to loose! Back to the gym tomorrow, I cant wait! I wanted to go tonight but my Mom said it was too late.



I am setting some rules for myself to make me more motivated. So here we go....



RULES
1)
No more than 600 cals a day
2) No eating from 8 pm to 10 am
3) Look at pictures of skinny girls daily and become like them

4) Workout atleast 3-4 days a week
5) No bingeing!!


The Ana Commandments: 
* If you are not thin you are not attractive.
* Being thin is more important than being healthy. 
* You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives,
   starve yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner.
* Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty. 
* Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing oneself afterwards. 
* Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly. 
* What the scale says is the most important thing. 
* Losing weight is good/ Gaining weight is bad. 
* You can never be too thin.
* Being thin and not eating are true signs of will power and success.






 





INTAKE
light string cheese - 60 cals

7 goldfish - 10 cals
2 small raw tomatoes - 50 cals (neg cals)

UPDATED
salad - 20 cals
ceasar dressing - 340 cals
croutons - 35 cals

TOTAL

515 cals





 THINSPIRATION

 

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ME - BEFORE
 
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ME - NOW = FUCKING DISGUSTINGG!!!!!!

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paperxdoll_x
06 July 2010 @ 10:04 pm

Well today was hell! I spent the entire day in the ER because of severe stomache cramping. Omg, I was soooo SICK! It was horrible. I was given Dilaudid for pain and that has helped alot. I had to get an enema which SUCKED!! lol but hopefully I lost some weight from it. lol ... Guess it was just a bad stomache bug or virus. I feel much better now. I didnt eat much at all today, which is good. Just a banana, a tbsp of apple sauce and a few goldfish things. I hope I feel 100% by tomorrow, I want to got to the gym!!

 
 
Current Location: United States, Pennsylvania
Current Mood: draineddrained
 
 
paperxdoll_x
05 July 2010 @ 09:51 pm

Were to do I start? My name is Amanda, I am 21 and I have been  struggling with eating disorders all my life. Whether it be over eating, bulimia or anorexia, I have always had "issues" with food. I remember being 15, weighing 180 lbs and my boyfriend cheated on me with a super skinny girl named Missy. I was devasted! Thats when I found the Pro Ana sites on xanga. I went from 180 to 120 in 7 months. And have been back and forth since. Dieting doesnt work. I am an extreme, balls to the walls, kind of person. Its all or nothing with me and "ana" is the only way I have ever been able to loose dramatic amounts of weight. Hell its the only way I've been able to loose weight period! However, in the last 3 years, I have gotten engaged and let my weight go to shit once again. I am absolutely disgusted with myself! When I look in the mirror, I see that same FAT 15 year old girl staring back at me. None of my clothes fit me anymore. I went out and bought a pair of jeans today because I only have one pair that fits, literally!  Size 12/13!!!! OMFG!!! Getting on the scale makes me want to break down and cry. I hate the body I am trapped in and I have never felt so uncomfortable in my own skin! I just want to be skinny again, if I ever was. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes, I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I want my boyfriend to want me again, to feel sexually attracted to me. We barely EVER has sex anymore and that only adds to my insecurities and self loathing.

I got a gym membership in March and was doing really well the first 3 weeks. But I dont drive right now and my boyfriend had to take me. And one while arguing he made the comment that I am selfish for having him take me to the gym every other day. Well, needless to say that blew it for me! I stopped going all together. But recently my Mom expressed to me that she wanted to loose weight as well. So today was the first time I went to the gym in months! It felt good to be there and workout. We are going again tomorrow and I think on Wednesday as well. I want to go atleast 3-4 days a week and workout for a few hours daily but my Mom cant keep it. So we have to start out slow so she can build up some endurance. I think we stayed for an hour today but whatever, I am just happy to have a ride again! 

 

MY STATS
HW - 200 lbs
LW - 120 lbs
CW - 185 lbs
Height - 5'6"
BMI - 29.9 (overweight)


MY GOALS
GW1 - 180
GW2 - 175
GW3 - 170
GW4 - 165
GW5 - 160

GW6 - 150
GW7 - 140
GW8 - 130
GW9 - 125
UGW -120

 

INTAKE

light string cheese (4) - 240 cals
salad w/ cesar dressing - 340 cals
2 packages of poptarts - 400 cals
(yea i know, ridiculous)

TOTAL = 980 calories =(


 

OUTAKE

Cross Trainer
     calories - 147
     distance - 1.15 miles
     time - 15 minutes

Bicycle
    calories - 70
    distance - 5.42 miles
    time - 15 minutes

Hip Abductors
   Inner Thigh - 150 reps on 70 lbs
   Outer Thigh - 150 reps on 70 lbs

Torso Rotation
   Left Side - 70 reps on 30 lbs
   Right Side - 70 reps on 30 lbs

 

TOTAL 
   6.57 miles
   217 calories
   30 minutes cardio

 

 


 
 
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed